The Process of Self-Discovery and Resiliency


Tangled indeed are my thoughts and emotions, not to mention the pressure of seeing time pass by so fast that everything blurs and the next thing you’d feel, you’re running out of time. But I actually think I still manage to keep my..self together. ♦

My thoughts are as messy as the dossier of college projects scattered in my room and my emotions constantly changing as if having a mercurial temperament of a pregnant woman or simply like having a daily PMS (menstruation terms) but definitely not a bipolar. My train of thoughts just keep on loading ideas but barely unloads. I guess it’s a problem of over thinkers but there’s just a lot going on in our minds and we want to explore and learn everything we can. Specifically, I am thinking about the path where my life leads to. It’s been five months since I welcomed myself to the world of irresponsibility – you know being unemployed and reminding myself of my age and what I should be doing now. I just lost my focus before and got unmotivated. I even thought I have this hormonal imbalance because there are things that I feel like it’s not normal and I always feel tired even though I have enough rest. Weird things. I guess I am learning more about myself now and gosh I am a late bloomer. And so my self exploration continues.

As I was procrastinating just ’cause I don’t feel like doing anything really, I saw and read an article in the newspaper, Philippine Daily Inquirer, about people born in the year of the sheep. It talks about the traits of the sheep babies (Yup, I’m one of them and this is my year so suck it up) in which are actually true, it can be different with others but this article targets someone like me, and it hits me word by word. I am just connecting this to my thoughts and one of the strengths mentioned in the characteristics were us being “wise, polite, gentle, kind in heart, compassionate and cope with business cautiously and circumspectly. They try to be economical. They have special sensitivity to art and beauty… and a special fondness for quiet living.” As I mentioned before, I love silence and serenity because it’s relaxing. I know it sounds like I’m getting old but we need some tranquility in our daily life too. Also it says “women born in this year are willing to take good care of others, but they should AVOID pessimism and hesitation.” — I wanted to hear that but I keep my hopes high and trying to stay positive. Good vibes as what they call it and I never fail to thank Him for all the blessings I receive even if I don’t deserve them. ‘Have faith’ is what I always tell myself especially that I feel like I am forever waiting for the things I want and desire may it be people or something intangible. I know I have proven that waiting leads you to something better, it’s just that sometimes when too long, the desire fades or your patience is gone. Well it does test your faith and patience but you get me, right?

Moving on to the weakness characteristics, it says “sheep year people are often worriers who are shy, pessimistic, moody, indecisive, over-sensitive, weak-willed and puzzled about life… They are timid in nature and like to be looked after by others. They like flattery, compliment and suggestion from friends. They do not dare to express their love openly and usually have interests in strange theories.” The first line was kinda full of negativity but it all reflects who I was before. I have learned to overcome my shyness, pessimism and being weak-willed. I am still and always perplexed about life, anxious and over-sensitive which maybe explains why my mind is always messy and I do worry a lot about stuff. I express my love through actions and less on words. 😉 And oh my g yes to strange theories! I love connecting things and how they would work. Ahhh science and clearly not about ‘assuming’ theories.

Maybe that article meant to remind me of who I am and what I have improved and needs to improve in my life. We all need to be reminded sometimes especially when we tend to forget our purpose in life. I think that it’s just mind over matter and when you’re feeling down, surround yourself with people who believes and supports you. Just don’t lose hope.

It’s hard being a dependent before in which people get to do things for you and life was so easy but now that has to change. I guess I am experiencing change and adjustments to things I have to get used to and I am happy to say that I am slowly gaining back my energy from all the fall and setbacks I have experienced that I am determined to replace all those negativity with success. I learned to value work, time and also my health. I am pushing myself to do more because there is still so much that I can do and life doesn’t have to be that complicated. I just need to juggle time well between family, work and fun, to focus on improvement and remember to always smile and think happy thoughts. Now I think I am ready to work again and this time, I am staying and I will prove myself. (Ohh I think that line applies to my work and love life – LOL!) ✔

How about you? What fuels you to do more or what is stopping you do more?

Nicole ♥


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